Using impossible pacing in poetry

(& a new poem)

Let’s look at this epic short poem by Thomas Lux, “A Little Tooth”.

In three concise stanzas, this baby grows into a woman old enough to fall in love, and her parents wrinkle and reflect—you wrinkle and reflect, as it’s told in the second person.

How does Lux cover whole lives so quickly?

He lists chronological events with years of space between them (first tooth to first love). And what do you notice about the tenses used? How do the tenses and word choice demonstrate the inevitability of time?

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“A Little Tooth” inspired prompt: Use impossibly fast pacing to cover a whole life (or lives). Use second person. Consider big phases/events like childhood, parenthood, womanhood, marriage, loss of innocence, getting older, etc..

Here’s my after with some lines from “A Little Tooth.” It’s about sex, marriage, purity culture, and gender expectations. What do you think? In what ways does it deviate from the original?

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[A boy proposes]
after Thomas Lux

A boy proposes
you play doctor, begs to touch you
like the seat of your bicycle 
touches you, and then

you’re a crumpled flower in the fist
of a fired-up youth pastor. 
It’s all over: you’ll swim
naked. Take His name

in vain. Get lost on your way
to church. Forget the words
to Rock of Ages. Sing
Janis Joplin instead 

while a man kneels
to kiss your thighs. 
You’ll go gray
as an owl, become religious

about whiskey. That’s fine
by you. You loved, you knew 
who you were.                                                                    
It’s winter. You come home

after walking the city
like an aisle.
You rest,
tapping your fingers on the table

waiting on no one. 

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